I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
