Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
