I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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