once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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