What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
