It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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