Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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