Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
