I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
