just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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