We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
did you just send me my own nude
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
