if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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