Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
