Your face is a jimmy john
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
