Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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