Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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