How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
