the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
