and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
