wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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