were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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