she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
