im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
