Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
