why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
