dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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