He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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