You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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