That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
