there's paper in my vomit.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
