Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
