I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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