did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
