do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
