that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
