I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
