The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
