What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
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I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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