there's paper in my vomit.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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