got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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