Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
