I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
