forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
