And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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