She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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