just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
