Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I need to calm my uterus...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
