see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
