And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
