I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
