how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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