Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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