Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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