You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
