I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
