my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
