i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
