In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
