pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
