I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
